I know some people are lucky with love and others seem to date one Mr./Mrs. Wrong after another. Some of it is just chance and some of it is circumstance, but unfortunately, some of it is our fault. Too many men and women put up with bad behavior when it comes to dating. The curious thing is once you let bad behavior slide in one relationship, you’re more inclined to let people get by with it again and again. I think men and women do this differently, so we should probably examine one gender at a time.

The pattern I see with women that worries me most is how willing some ladies are to let men string them along without a commitment. There’s nothing wrong with dating other people for a while and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with trying a relationship out before making things exclusive. But there comes a time when you have to take a little leap and put some faith in each other as a couple. After months of spending time together, why not deepen things? Ladies, if the man you’re seeing isn’t willing to take a step forward after a reasonable amount of time, you have to make a tough decision. I have a few brave friends who have recognized this and extricated themselves. The problem is, if you don’t, you’re sending a message that says, “I don’t think I’m worthy of more than this, so I’ll just stick around in the present.” If you’re not happy, you’re not where you should be. Take a cue from my courageous friends who realized they deserved more.

Men have a different problem. I know so many great guys who want a relationship but pick the wrong type of girl over and over again. If you are ready to find someone real, stop prioritizing looks and party-ability. I’m not telling you to pick someone you aren’t attracted to, that’s ridiculous. But skimpy clothes and a saucy smile does not a “forever partner” make. I know a lot of guys who are smart, kind, loyal, motivated and funny, but continually fall for ladies who care more about dollar beer night than devotion to their other half. If you aren’t looking for commitment, a casual girl is a fine choice. But don’t confuse cute and fun with ready to commit. If you want to find someone you can really connect with, look for different qualities. Keep your eyes open for women who are intelligent, interesting and faithful friends instead.

Don’t set yourself up to fail in relationship world by choosing partners who don’t want what you want. Even though you may have feelings for someone who isn’t treating you well, that doesn’t mean they’re the right person. Don’t force something that isn’t evolving; be the bigger person and move on. The early days, weeks and months of a relationship shouldn’t be hard work. And if you hang in there too long and put up with bad behavior, you don’t have anyone to blame but yourself.